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Hey everyone, tokea is here, and this post
we're going to learn how to stop being shy and awkward. The reason that I want
to issue this topic is that I know how hard it can be to socialize and step out
of your comfort zone. People often tend to be judgy to people who are shy and
like to label them. Now, let's begin.
1- Don't Apologize
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Whether you're reserved, timid, or just
painfully awkward. The first thing you need to know is that there is nothing
wrong with you. I can't tell you how often I've heard quiet people apologizing
or making excuses for their own shyness, they end up feeling so guilty about
missing chances to get out of their comfort zone, that they drive themselves
crazy. Each time they miss out on one of these opportunities, the pressure and fear
begin to build until eventually, things that only seemed a little bit
uncomfortable will cause them so much anxiety, that they can't do them at all.
It might feel like you're the only one in the room who's struggling with this
intense pressure, but you couldn't be more wrong. In fact, nearly everyone
struggles with the same anxieties at some point. But with enough practice, they
learn how to avoid letting them affect their behavior. It is true that some
people struggle more than others. But having social anxiety doesn't make you
any worse than anyone else. You have nothing to apologize for, and nothing to
feel guilty about. Because at the end of the day, the only person you're
affecting is you.
2- Avoid Definitions
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When you've struggled with social anxiety, or
awkwardness for long enough, you've probably started labeling yourself as a shy
person. You might have even told someone, I'm just like that, or I can't help
it. But most of the time, neither of these things are true. Imagine you decide
to go to a concert to meet new people thinking you'll make some friends with
similar interests. After the concert ends, you're standing in line to get some
food. When you hear a couple of guys behind you talking about how much they
liked the band. You know everything there is to know about this band. So you
could easily jump into the conversation at any moment. But you never actually
open your mouth. The next day, you meet up with an old friend, and you don't
hesitate to tell them everything about the concert, and the missed opportunity
at the end. You rant for 20 minutes about all the cool things you could have
said to those guys, until your friend asks, Why didn't you just go for it? And
you respond? I don't know. I guess I'm just a shy person. If you were actually a
shy person, would you've instantly come alive for in talking to your friend? My
point is that you shouldn't use words like shy or awkward, to sum up, your
entire personality. Because there are plenty of times when you're the exact
opposite. around your family. For example, you might be talkative, energetic
and Goofy despite struggling to say two words, when you're out in public. When
you label yourself as shy like that, you're pigeonholing your entire
personality. So next time you run into this situation, say I was just being
awkward yesterday. By changing your phrasing, you can avoid living up to any of
the negative expectations you create for yourself.
3- Focus On Them
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When you're trying to summon the courage to
step outside your comfort zone, what kinds of things are you thinking about?
Are you searching for an entertaining story to tell? Or maybe a talent to show
off? You might think the best way to be outgoing is to prove your worth looking
at and listening to. But is that actually how we connect with people? Even if
you did impress everyone in the room? What would you actually gain from that?
The truth is that you might be looking at these social interactions are all
wrong. Instead of investing so much energy into making people like you, you
should be focusing on how you can show others that you like them. Don't make
the mistake of thinking you have to step into the spotlight to escape your
shyness. People generally love to talk about themselves, so you can and should
use that to your advantage. If you laugh at their jokes and ask a lot of
questions, you'll make a great first impression without having to become the
center of attention.
4- Avoid Comparisons
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While making comparisons is generally
unhealthy no matter what you're trying to improve on. It's especially
detrimental for people who struggle to come out of their shell. comparing
yourself to someone who is more extroverted, or less socially awkward, can lead
to unnecessary stress, anxiety, and most importantly, low self-esteem. For many
people who struggle with shyness, low self-esteem is one of the biggest reasons
why they have trouble interacting with others. It cripples your confidence
causes self-doubt and stops you from ever coming out of your comfort zone. So
if you want to overcome your shyness, you should first work on building your
self-esteem by learning to trust and take pride in yourself.
5- Make Lists
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Say you got invited to a social event for a
new job, all of your co-workers are going to be there. So you're excited to try
to get to know them better. When you get there you see a group of people
talking and laughing. So you think about joining in. But then you start
worrying about all the things that could go wrong. They might not remember your
name, they may be laughing at you behind your back. Or maybe they just don't
like to you. With all these possibilities swirling through you, you end up
being too scared to even try. So how can you stop this from happening? an
efficient way to mitigate this kind of anxiety is to make a list. Whether you
write it on a scrap of paper or in your phone, it's important that you get your
list some sort of physical form. There, you should write down all the negative
outcomes that you're worried about. By simply organizing your fears. Many of
these situations won't seem nearly as intimidating, especially because you can
plan ahead to avoid bringing them to life.
6- Repetition
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People who struggle with shyness tend to make
the same common mistakes. They see a great opportunity to socialize but end up
talking themselves out of it. They feel terrible about passing up on the
opportunity and ultimately convinced themselves that it was the only chance
they'd ever have. But like most forms of self-improvement, overcoming shyness
isn't about making one big, bold statement. It's about taking small consistent
steps forward. So you have to keep creating opportunities to be social, no
matter how uncomfortable they make you.
7- Bring a Friend
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If you don't want to throw yourself into the
deep end, you can make it easier to socialize by bringing a friend with you,
even if they're standing on the other side of the room. Simply seeing a
familiar face can ease your nerves and motivate you to keep pushing. If your
friend is more outgoing than you are, you can also use them to work your way
into conversations. Once they've started talking to someone, use your friend as
an excuse to join in. Eventually, your friend might get a drink or go to the
bathroom giving you the opportunity to try to lead the conversation. Well, all
of this can be very helpful. There is one downside to bringing an outgoing
friend to law. People who struggle with shyness tend to use their extroverted
friends as social shields. Well, it might seem easier to simply hide behind
your friend wherever you go. It's actually hurting you in the long run by
making you more insecure and codependent.
8- Control Your Environment
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If you don't have an outgoing friend to bring
along, you can also relax your nerves by socializing in places you're already
familiar with. When meeting new people you've got enough to worry about without
adding the environment into the mix. If you do, you'll end up wasting hours
simply trying to feel comfortable in this new space. Instead, finding an
environment where you know you can feel at ease and learn how to be extroverted
there. Believe it or not, this is the same strategy that all kinds of
entertainers and politicians use to perform or deliver a speech in front of a
large audience. They become incredibly familiar with a particular location, whether
it's on stage or in front of a podium. And they're great socialites when
they're in that specific environment, even if they'd be shy and awkward
everywhere else.
9- Body Language
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Powerful body language can make all the
difference when you're learning to overcome your shyness. Because even if you
can't control how awkward you are, you can control how awkward you look. Things
like standing up straight, crossing your arms and legs and making eye contact
will all help other people feel more comfortable around you, which in turn
helps you feel more comfortable around them. But shouldn't your body language
match the way you're feeling? Not necessarily. Because you can actually use
powerful body language to fool yourself into acting more confident. When you
look approachable and secure. Other people will treat you that way, so your
behavior will naturally rise to their expectations.
10- Teach Others
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This strategy sounds a bit counterintuitive, but teaching others how to overcome
their shyness can really help you deal with you around. You might be one of
those people who is read every article and watched every video, but still can't
seem to make any progress. Even if you know exactly what you're doing wrong.
You just can't escape the same awkward behaviors. But as the old adage goes,
those who can't do teach. You may have tried this technique the last time you
were studying for a test because many people find that they understand
information better when they have to explain it to someone else. Teaching
forces you to make connections and answer questions you may not have ever
thought to ask. By helping someone else make progress. You also get to see your
own advice in action, which can give you the confidence to do it yourself.
Thank you for reading and be sure to
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